Reich & Stähl at the Movies

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Otto Reich and Klaus Stähl, the far-right podcasters behind Reich & Stähl at the Movies—best known for the tagline, “If we weren’t white nationalist film critics, we’d be a law firm”—have released their ranking of the greatest films of all time.

The list, according to sources familiar with the methodology, is organized using the Reich & Stähl Scale, a proprietary evaluative framework designed to assess historical cinema on the basis of tone, discipline, and formal control.

The scale consists of three tiers:

One Heil.
Two Heils.
Mass grave.

That is the entire system.

Given the subject matter, one might reasonably expect propaganda films to dominate: Nazis marching, roaring crowds, flags waving. Homework movies. Birth of a Nation. Riefenstahl. You know—the loud, shiny stuff.

None of it makes the cut.

Those films are dismissed as obvious and aesthetically crude. Too declarative. Too eager to announce themselves. The sound design is considered abrasive and amateurish; the camera work indulgent—too much motion; too much noise. Much too much certainty. And absolutely no execution.

Reich & Stähl favor systems that run smoothly while something unspeakable hums just out of frame. They reject cartoons and caricatures in favor of procedure. They show a particular enthusiasm for hallways, fluorescent lighting reflecting off newly waxed floors. Shiny boots echoing down corridors are cited as anamorphically effective. Doors closing softly are described as reassuring. Home, in this framework, is where the hall is.

Under this evaluative approach, Reich & Stähl’s top-ranked film is Schindler’s List.

Specifically, the first two hours.

The film is praised for its formal discipline, monochrome austerity, and sustained attention to bureaucracy. The ranking notes its patience with systems, its refusal to editorialize too quickly, and its willingness to remain focused on how things functioned rather than on how they felt.

The evaluation changes in the final act.

At that point, the film shifts its attention away from the machinery and toward the people caught inside it. Survival is introduced. Names are restored. Meaning intrudes.

Under the Reich & Stähl Scale, this shift necessitates a reassessment.

Schindler’s List ultimately receives a final rating of:

Mass grave.

The demotion reflects what Reich describes as a “total loss of tonal confidence,” while Stähl insists the film would be a “masterpiece” if only it were shortened by precisely thirty-seven minutes. The film is judged to overstep by insisting on resolution where observation would have sufficed.

In accompanying materials, the ranking emphasizes that the objection is not to historical subject matter, nor to depictions of violence or atrocity.

Rather, it is to outcomes.

Reich & Stähl’s methodology favors horror without judgment, systems without interruption, and history presented at a remove. Films are rewarded for maintaining distance, neutrality, and procedural integrity through to the end.

Redemption, within this framework, is considered optional.

As with previous rankings, Reich & Stähl note that their evaluations are not concerned with moral reception, only with cinematic rigor. The scale, they emphasize, is the most efficient ever designed.

(Netflix is currently in talks to acquire the Reich & Stähl Scale for $3.2 billion. Reich & Stähl are represented by Charles Keeler at CAA.)

2 responses

  1. Gary Gold Avatar
    Gary Gold

    I remember being at Peter Abrams’s house one day, when I saw a big German beer Stein with some German writing on it. I asked Peter; “what does it say?” He said “I think it says kill all the Jews”.

    1. Quincy Rose Avatar
      Quincy Rose

      Of course he did. So fast!

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